My Ransomware Can’t Be This Cute?! Is a Kawaii Neon Card-Flipping Roguelike

None of us wants our computer getting hacked, right? But what if it’s a sentient virus that’s also a cute little menace and offers you a deck-building game? Maybe we need to rethink it then. My Ransomware Can’t Be This Cute?! is the new roguelike deckbuilder I’m talking about.

I’m not sure I’d even want to remove her!

You download a suspicious .exe file and are stuck with Ransomware-chan, a sentient piece of malware. And she’s got a little game for you to play if you want your computer back. A card-flipping roguelike deckbuilder with logical deduction and pushing your luck.

You try to figure out where the evil cards are hiding by reading the board, calculating odds, and using the right moves. But Ransomware-chan is a bratty little opponent with her own personality. So, she’s more than happy to taunt you and break the fourth wall.

My Ransomware Can’t Be This Cute?! also lets you draft and upgrade your deck to create some overpowered combinations. You’re encouraged to experiment with builds that bend the rules of probability in your favour.

My Ransomware Can’t Be This Cute?! is pretty charming

The game has a kawaii neon aesthetic combined with a retro-PC vaporwave and 2000s OS interface fever dream. It takes place inside a stylized, glowing, high-contrast desktop operating system environment filled with vibrant neon colours, retro windows, and playful digital hazards. So, what’s not to like?

My Ransomware Can’t Be This Cute?! is developed by The Seppuku Commission and published by Top Hat Studios. It’s coming soon to PC via Steam, with no release date announced yet. So, the big question is whether you’re going to delete Ransomware-chan once you’ve beaten her game or just let her stay on your computer forever.

Also, read our news on We Don’t Exist, a Paranormal Adventure Game Where Cryptids Actually Exist!

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